Walk With Me and Hold My Hand
by Brindabella
Summary: A death hits Susie in a big way, and she needs someone to hold her hand. When one tragedy is over though, she is faced with another problem. How will she struggle over the hurdles? Please read and review!


**Walk With Me and Hold My Hand**

**Date begun: 29th August, 2004**

**Date finished: 18th September, 2004**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to the writer, they remain property of Channel Seven and Southern Star**

**Dedication: For Lea, who taught me to write the right way.**

**The call came one morning, not a particularly busy morning in the Mt Thomas police station, and Susie Raynor was right next to the phone, and so picked it up after only the first ring. Evan, watching from his desk, not far from hers, watched her face as she answered the phone call when she stopped midway through saying what her name was and her rank. **

"**Mum!" Susie said into the phone, surprised. "What are you ringing for?" Susie asked with a curious look on her face, her hand propping up her chin on her desk.**

**Evan was even more curious now, and he noticed that Ben was craning his neck towards Susie's direction as well. They watched together as Susie's face turned as white as a sheet, and her eyes to stone. The phone slipped from her hand and she sat motionless at her desk for a moment, a moment which, when they looked back, Ben and Evan had both wished they had spoken, and then she bolted out of the station.**

**Evan and Ben stared at each other, confusion present on their faces, but it was only Evan who moved from his seat and followed Susie out of the station. Evan guessed, as he ran out of the stations door, that Ben could very well still be tense over the newly formed relationship between his former girlfriend and Evan. Evan shrugged off this thought though, as he knew there was little he could do about it, and, on the contrary, he didn't really care. He was in love with Susie, and they were together at last, and that was all that mattered to him.**

**Evan didn't have to search far to find Susie, as she was sitting on the curb just around the corner from their new station. Her head was in her hands, and her hair fell across her face as she cried silent tears. When Evan sat down quietly beside her, she looked up at him, her eyes watery and her lip quivering. The glow that usually adorned Susie's cheeks was gone, and she looked small, afraid and very very alone. Evan put his arm around her shoulder, knowing she needed comfort, although not sure of the reason she was so upset. She leant into him and cried a river of tears.**

"**What happened?" Evan asked. **

**At first Susie was unable to speak; anything she tried to say came out in hicuppy gasps that told Evan nothing. She brushed her hand across her eyes, only managing to smear her tears, not make them disappear, and took a deep breath.**

"**That was my Mum on the phone," Susie began, her voice almost hoarse as she struggled to get out the words. "My brother Lachlan, has been in a motor bike accident," she stared, afraid, into Evan's eyes.**

**Evan didn't know what to say. What could one say, really? "Is he ok?" he whispered.**

**Susie shook her head sadly. "Mum wants me down there with them all so that we can all say goodbye," she held Jonesy's hand, her delicate fingers laced so perfectly through his, a pleasant reminder of what a great couple they made. Then she stood up suddenly, and their hands came apart. Shielding her eyes from the blazing sun, she pulled Evan up and hugged him hard, looking into his eyes once more. "Will you come with me?" she asked hesitantly. "I need someone to come with me. I can't do it alone."**

"**Of course I'll come with you Suse," Evan reassured her. "I'm here to hold your hand the whole way," he leant forward and kissed her lovingly, taking her securely into his arms again and holding her. They stood on the side of the street like this, the world still spinning around them, as Susie began to try and deal with her brothers accident. She felt safer in Jonesy's arms and stood there hugging him for a long time, her tears sliding down the leather of his police issue jacket.**

**Susie and Evan had moved into the same room not long after things had at last turned around for them, and they had spent the night together for the first time. Susie was comfortable sleeping beside Jonesy each night, and he felt exactly the same. They felt comfortable with each other, a feeling they both knew only came with the right decision being made in a relationship.**

**And ever since that right decision had been made by the two of them, they had been happy in all areas of their lives. Work, friends, and most of all, each other. Nothing could make a person happy like true love could, Susie had always said that to herself, and she knew, now that she was with Jonesy, that it was definitely true.**

**But that was before she got her mothers phone call. It had shattered her instantly, and she wondered for a second if Evan's love would be enough to keep her going after such a tragedy. Lachlan was her eldest brother, the brother that, she was certain, had always loved her the most, although that was almost an impossible thing to say, as all of Susie's brothers adored her. But Lachlan was her big brother, he had always taken care of her, he had always checked up on who her highschool boyfriends were, he had always picked her up if she had managed to get left at a party without a lift when she was supposed to be home by 12, and he had just always been there for her. They were so close, an unusual bond that not many brothers and sisters shared, and were so strikingly similar. Lachlan had the same golden hair as she did, and the same brilliant smile. He loved others in the same way Susie loved those close to her, and they shared a love for the Hawks, for backyard cricket, and for good Australian bands. And now Susie's mother had just told her Lachlan was about to leave them? How could it be?**

**Jonesy sat beside her as she threw the suitcase onto the bed and began folding clothes into it. Even though he had only just recently dealt with Dylan's death, Jonesy was at a loss as to what to say to Susie. It frustrated him and he strained his brain trying to think of something worthwhile to say to her. When nothing came up, he looked at her and told her the truth.**

"**I don't know what to say to you Suse," he sighed. "I want to say something to make you feel better, but I don't know how. I don't know what to say to make you feel better," his eyes were downcast, and he felt ashamed.**

**Susie sat beside him, her eyes understanding, despite the present events that had unfolded. She took his hand and kissed his mouth slowly and tenderly, putting her other hand up to his cheek. She loved him so much, and was so relieved at finally having him by her side. It had been a tough battle to get the man she wanted, and in the process she had been through a lot of heartbreak, and a kaleidoscope of feelings and emotions. But at last, she was with the man she loved. Together they still had to face Ben, her past, but very short, love everyday, but together they felt like they could take on anything.**

"**It's ok," she whispered, a smile finally escaping from her lips. "Just you being here beside me is helping." **

**Evan nodded, thankful that she understood. They knew each other quite well, even before they had realised their love for each other, and often they did not need to express their understanding in words - a simple hug, a touch of the hand, or a kiss would explain things. Evan had needed Susie at the hospital that night he had lost Dylan, and her hugging him made everything feel a little less tragic. He had been thankful that she had just been there, for him, and had taken him in her arms at the exact moment he needed her to.**

**Susie was packed and ready, as was Evan, by lunchtime. They walked down the stairs, their fingers laced together as they held hands and out into the sunshine where Evan's car was parked at the back of the hotel. Evan slipped into the drivers seat and drove to the station. Susie sat silently, the reality of what she was heading towards finally hitting her, and she remained motionless in the car while she waited for Evan to come back after explaining the situation to the Boss and insisting they each have a few days off.**

**The trip to the small town where Susie's parents lived took several hours. Evan was at the wheel and Susie slept on and off as they drove. She said little during the journey, as much as Evan tried to comfort her and keep her feeling safe. An occasional kiss at traffic lights or drink stops was all he could offer Susie, but she smiled everytime he looked at her, everytime he touched her, as she was so incredibly grateful he was there with her.**

**It was mid afternoon when they reached Susie's parents sprawling property. The scenery was new to Evan, and even though he had traveled extensively in his life, this was a corner of the world he had never encountered, and he was captured by its beauty. He looked over at Susie as they both exited the car and caught her breathing in deeply, and closing her eyes as she stood back on the ground where she had grown up. A surge went through her veins as she felt her connection with the land, back at home at last. She walked around to the front of the car where she met Jonesy, they joined hands, and walked together up to the house.**

**Susie entered the house without knocking, already knowing the door would be unlocked and visitors always welcome. Her parents were expecting her anyway, and knew it was her when she led Jonesy through the large house that had once been the playing ground of Susie and her brothers.**

**Susie met her parents with desperate hugs, tears flowing freely and involuntarily. She held her mothers hand tightly as they sat on the couch next to each other, and Evan took it upon himself to sit close to the woman he loved and perched himself on the arm rest of the couch Susie and her mother sat on. He was feeling a bit shy, having not met any of Susie's family before, only hearing about them during his whispered conversations with Susie as they lay side by side every night.**

**Several moments passed before Susie suddenly seemed to remember that she had Jonesy with her. Although he didn't feel put out, he was glad when she held onto his hand again, as he wanted so badly to protect her and comfort her to make her feel better. She smiled through her tears, perhaps having at last accepted Lachlan's fate, and took Evan around the room introducing him to her large family.**

"**I'm sorry such circumstances mark our first meeting Evan," Susie's father smiled sadly as he stood up to shake Evan's hand politely. "I'm Jack and this is Anna," he said, gesturing to his wife who quickly stood up to be beside her husband.**

"**Pleased to meet you both," Evan responded just as politely, nerves slightly shaking his conscious. Susie led him into the kitchen where she shared hugs with her other brothers and several close relatives who had gathered at the families home also that afternoon.**

"**Jonesy, this is Stuart, Connor, and Declan, my three other brothers," she smiled, the tears still present in her eyes as she thought of Lachlan, her most treasured brother. "And my Aunty Imogen, Uncle James and my cousins Simone, Liam, Adelaide and Ella," Evan shook all their hands, unable to ignore the sadness that was lying deep within all their eyes. He knew instantly that the Raynor family was very close and were deeply affected by Lachlan's accident.**

**As Susie talked with her cousins, Evan noticed a small red haired woman enter the kitchen, her pale, freckly face blotchy and red. She leant against the bench, out of view almost of the rest of the rooms occupants and stood there silently. The way she held herself and the expression that showed on her face made Evan think all too much of Susie and how she had looked on their journey to her parents property. Evan smiled hesitantly, and, curious to meet another member of Susie's family, as they had already made such a lovely impression on him, he headed in her direction, passing Susie's brothers and cousins who were comforting each other quietly.**

"**Hi," he said quietly, leaning up against the bench beside her. Her head snapped up, like she had been in a dream, and stared blankly at Evan. "I'm Evan," he smiled, introducing himself. It was then that Susie noticed Evan had moved, and she walked up beside him, before the woman had answered.**

"**Oh I'm sorry Jonesy," Susie said sadly. "This is Bronte, Lachlan's wife," at the mention of Lachlan's name, Bronte dissolved into tears, falling into Susie's open arms. Susie rubbed her back and stared sadly at Jonesy herself. Just seeing the look in Susie's sad eyes made Jonesy's heart ached. The woman he loved, as well as everyone close to her, were battling through their darkest day, the day where they feared they were going to lose one of their own. Jonesy knew this feeling only too well, and his eyes connected with Susie's as she comforted a distraught Bronte.**

**Later that afternoon, Susie and Evan headed down to the hospital for Susie to farewell her brother properly. It was growing dark as they drove, and Susie rested her head on the window of the passenger side, looking out at the sky. It sparkled with stars, as if someone had strewn glitter across the sky. Again Susie was reminded of her childhood, the years she spent growing up with Lachlan, Stuart, Connor and Declan, and she remembered fondly the nights they had spent sleeping under these same skies, huddled in their sleeping bags, swatting at mosquitoes and munching on Twisties and Curly Wurlys their Mum had treated them to. A tear slipped down Susie's cheek as she longed to be ten years old again, when life was simple, carefree and fun, and the Raynor children had thought they would always have each other.**

**The hospital was lit up like a lantern in a storm as Susie and Jonesy entered. A few people buzzed around, but the building was relatively quiet, as Susie had expected. It gave them both a creepy feeling, one that reminded them of past events and they both felt as they walked through the corridors of the hospital, that the silence was almost deafening.**

**It wasn't long before they had reached the room in which Lachlan lay, his body now still and his skin pale and waxy. As Susie approached the entrance to the room, Evan let go of her hand and stood silently by the door. He felt that it wasn't his place to approach Lachlan's now lifeless body, and thought Susie needed her own space to be with her brother for the final time.**

**But Susie stopped when Evan let go of her hand. Her forlorn face stared back at him and her puzzled expression told Evan that she wanted him with her when she said goodbye to Lachlan. He had promised to hold her hand after all, and so they walked into the room together. Susie didn't cry when she saw Lachlan stretched out in front of her, his arms, resting by his sides, now bruised and beaten, only made Susie think of Lachlan's footy injuries, his numerous broken collarbones, his pulled muscles and the grass and mud stains he always seemed to acquire during a match. She picked up his left hand, stroking each individual finger before placing it back down, and finally leaning over and kissing his forehead. She took a long hard look at him once more and tightened her grip on Evan's hand, walking back out into the corridor with him.**

**Jonesy hugged Susie to him, his chin resting on top of her head, nestled into her blonde hair, as Susie sobbed into his chest, feeling lost and lonely. Brad's death had hit her hard, and another death, especially of someone so close to her, and so soon after Brad's, was clearly affecting her and would take a while to get over. Jonesy led her to some chairs a little way down the hall, and helped her into one as nurses and night staff wandered past. As she sat, her body sagged, like she had lost every energy to even move. Her eyes though still remained full of sorrow, of regret, of sadness and of loss. She simply couldn't comprehend that she had lost Lachlan. She turned to Evan.**

"**Is this how you felt when Dylan died?" she whispered to him, needing to know the answer so badly.**

**Evan took her hand, and laced his fingers through hers again. He gave a small, sad smile and spoke softly. "Yes," he whispered. "I felt like I had lost apart of myself, and I knew I would always feel a little bit empty from then on."**

"**That's how I feel," Susie replied. Together they stood up, Evan placing an arm protectively around Susie's shoulder and walked back down the corridor and out of the hospital.**

**The days following Lachlan's death were dark, miserable and unlike anything Evan or Susie had ever experienced before. Having dealt with far too many deaths already in both their short lives, Susie and Evan had thought they were hardened enough, prepared enough, for what was to come. But it was different. It was different from Jo's death, from Dylan's, from Brad's. Because it was someone else. It was Lachlan, Susie's brother, a Raynor.**

**Lachlan's passing seemed to affect every member of the Raynor family hard. Evan had been right in assuming that this family was one that was very close knit. Members of the family floated in and out of the house, and quietly introduced themselves to Evan as they passed him in a hallway, or saw him sitting on the couch with Susie. He had met so many relatives of Susie's that he was finding it hard to keep track of all their names and how they were related to Lachlan and Susie. And while it was hard for Evan to keep track, it also made him realise that every person on this earth meant something to somebody and was loved so much. Lachlan had meant the world to his friends and family, and especially to Susie.**

**This was only further proved when the day of Lachlan's funeral arrived. It had been just a little less than a week since his accident and the day Susie had dreaded had now arrived. She held Jonesy's hand as they went through the motions of attending the service, the burial and the wake. The wake was held at the Raynor's property, their large house easily accommodating the huge number of mourners. Murmurs of Lachlans name could be heard all over the house as people talked about him, how they had known him, and what a great mate he was. Occasionally the names Susie and Bronte were heard as well as these two women, along with Stuart, Connor and Declan were the most important people in this mans life.**

**But Susie had barely been able to manage the funeral, let alone the wake. She separated herself quickly from the group as the wake began and made her way to the loft of the house which had once been a playroom for Susie and her brothers. She settled herself on the window seat in there and hugged a cushion to her. Moments later she heard Jonesy stepping lightly up the staircase and opening the door to the playroom. He stood in the doorway and looked at Susie sadly.**

"**You okay Suse?" he asked, quickly realising it was a bit of a pointless question, as her face plainly showed that she was definitely not ok. A tear slipped down her cheek in response as she looked helplessly back at him. "Awww Suse, I'm so sorry," he took her in his arms.**

"**I just can't believe he's gone Jonesy," she cried as if her heart would break. "He's really gone; I'm never going to see him again."**

**Jonesy could do nothing but hold her. Words couldn't console the woman that meant so much to him, and neither could him being there, but it helped. They sat there the whole afternoon, Susie desperately wanting to be as close to Jonesy as possible, as she now feared she might just lose everyone she loved. She had already lost brad, Jo, and now Lachlan, her own flesh and blood. She wondered for a moment if Evan could really understand how she was feeling but then realised that he knew exactly how she was feeling. He had lost Jo as well, and his own brother, so in many respects they were in exactly the same position. Relief flooded through their veins as they cherished the thought of at least still having each other.**

**That night, long after all the guests had left the wake and sombrely made their way home, Susie and Jonesy lay in the darkness, the covers of the bed warming their bodies. They lay facing each other, their bodies so close they almost felt like there was no one else near for miles around. Susie had slowly begun to feel as though she simply had cried all her tears and had begun reminiscing about the times she had shared with Lachlan. She whispered her thoughts to Jonesy, who lay beside her, holding her hands up to his chest, listening intently.**

**They lay there for hours, Susie describing for Jonesy the birthday parties, the football games, Christmases, graduations and so many other memories she had so clearly etched in her mind. She would miss Lachlan more than she could ever explain to Evan though.**

**The next day, Susie and Jonesy headed back to Mt Thomas. Susie was feeling much like she had just a few days ago, when she and Jonesy were driving towards Susie's home town. She sat slumped in the passenger seat as Jonesy drove and just outside Mt Thomas Jonesy pulled over into a roadhouse. He jumped out of the car, promising Susie he would bring her back some lunch and a drink. She smiled as he walked across the dirt driveway towards the entrance to the roadhouse, and thought of just how much she loved him. It struck her that not too many guys would stick by her the way Jonesy had, and she had never really fully appreciated it. He loved her with all his heart and was prepared to go to all lengths to show her how much he loved her, cared about her and wanted to be there for her.**

**Feeling a renewed surge of energy, Susie got out of the car as well, closed the door behind her and wandered over to a sunny spot of grass by the side of the road house, her hands in the pockets of her jeans and her face slightly tilted towards the sky. The sun warmed her whole body as she sat down on the soft grass and waited for Jonesy to come back out of the little store. When he did, she waved him over and smiled as he sat down beside her.**

"**Needed some vitamin D hey?" he smiled, handing her some lunch. She nodded, and got comfortable leaning against him as they ate. They sat happily contented there for some time, allowing the suns rays to rejuvenate them after the enormity of the last couple of days.**

**As they stood up, Evan gave Susie a squeeze and in response she locked her lips with his own, creating a passionate beautiful kiss. "Do you think you're ready to go back to work?" Jonesy asked, still a drop of concern evident in his voice.**

**Susie smiled, looking deep into his eyes. Nodding, she spoke. "Yes, I think so," she shrugged. "I can do it, it's just Ben I have to deal with," she sighed inwardly.**

"**You don't have to do it alone Suse," Evan reassured her. "I'm not going to let him hassle you, especially after this. We'll deal with him together if he gives you any worries," he took her hand and they walked back to the car, before hopping in and heading back to Mt Thomas.**

**Later that night Susie and Evan were settled back into the little room they shared at the Imperial. Feeling drained from the trip, Susie crawled into bed without even eating dinner and fell asleep almost instantly. Knowing she needed rest, especially as she was going to resume her police duties the following day, Evan left her alone and padded down the stair case and into the public bar. **

"**Hey Jonesy," PJ greeted him as he went to the bar to get another beer. "Good to see you back mate," PJ slapped him on the shoulder and placed a beer in front of him. "How's Suse?" he was worried about his friend, and it showed on his face.**

"**Yeah, she's ok," Evan replied, sipping at the amber liquid. "Feeling a bit down still, and drained, and so she went to bed. She's gotta go back to work tomorrow," they settled on the bar stools.**

"**And the funeral?" PJ asked tentatively. "Was she ok? How did she cope?"**

**Jonesy was touched by PJ's concern. Losing so many people in his life had really bought out PJ's caring nature and he hated seeing any of his friends hurting or sad. He had become the ideal person for anybody in the station to lean on, to tell their worries to, as he listened so well and always understood how they were feeling, as he had been in the same situations so often himself.**

**Jonesy sighed. "It was hard on her, we didn't really stick around for the wake, she just wanted to be alone, so we stayed upstairs."**

**PJ nodded, understanding. "How have things been here?" Jonesy asked, eager to change the subject.**

"**Oh well you know, crims to catch and all that," PJ laughed. "But no, it's been pretty quiet actually."**

**Jonesy nodded in response and they sat silently for a few minutes, just enjoying their drinks. And then rather hesitantly, PJ spoke up, knowing Jonesy needed to be aware.**

"**Mate..." PJ stumbled on his words, knowing it would make a big impact on Jonesy. "You should know that Ben hasn't really been himself lately. Maybe it's because you and Suse haven't been here, or maybe it's something else, I really don't know, but he's been almost impossible to talk to, and I don't think he's going to be all that pleased to see you."**

"**Oh great," Jonesy sighed. "That's all I need," his stared in Ben's direction and gave him a hint of the evil eye, which Ben returned in equal fashion.**

"**Yeah well, just be aware," PJ said. "I've warned him not to try and stir anything up, but you know what Ben's like, wears his heart on his bloody sleeve," he chuckled almost sadly.**

"**Yeah," Jonesy knew only too well. Usually Jonesy didn't mind Ben's nature, but at times it touched on frustrating for him, especially now that he and Susie were finally together.**

**The night wore on, with Jonesy and PJ being joined by Kelly, Amy and Joss. They shared a quick meal together and chatted as the clock ticked towards nine o'clock. Jonesy eyed the clock periodically and when he saw that time was getting on, he bid farewell to the coppers in the bar and headed back towards the stairs and up to Susie. As he set his foot on the first step he heard someone behind him.**

"**You just want to rub it in my face don't you?" Ben growled angrily at him, a beer in his hand.**

**Jonesy turned around. "What?" he asked, even though he already had a feeling he knew what Ben was on about. Ever since Susie had broken up with Ben and at last committed to him, there had been tension between the two men. You could just feel it in the air. Even in the pub earlier the other coppers could feel it. It was hard to ignore. They were like two school boys fighting in the playground, simply because one of them had got the girl.**

"**What does she see in you?" Ben asked, his eyes glued to Evans.**

"**What do you mean what does she see in me?" Evan asked.**

"**You know what I mean," Ben's voice was clear and precise, indicating he had not been drinking, and therefore meant every word that he said.**

"**Well obviously she sees a lot more in me than she does in you mate," Evan turned to climb the stairs again, but seconds later felt a hand wrench his shoulder back.**

"**You stole her from me, you little..." Ben raised a fist to Evan.**

**Evan shrugged off Ben's attempted force and shoved him back down the few steps that he had climbed to reach Jonesy. "Oh rack off Ben, this has nothing to do with you. Me and Suse are together now and there's nothing that you, or anybody else, can do about it," he climbed the stairs, leaving Ben behind to deal with what he had lost. Fuming, Ben spun on his heal and walked out into the crisp thin air of the night.**

**The following day, Susie and Jonesy reached the station early, as Susie had experienced a sleepless night, which had, in turn, kept Jonesy awake also. As they entered the station through the side door, Susie caught a glimpse of Ben standing in the mess room, stirring a cup of coffee absent mindedly and staring at the wall. She took a deep breath and clutched Jonesy's hand and together they walked past the entrance to the mess room and into the locker room. While Susie had been eager to resume her duties as a police officer in Mt Thomas, much like she had after Brad's death, she was also nervous about it. Something had been bothering Jonesy when he had come to bed the previous night. He had been restless and his face portrayed a concerned and aggravated look. But when she had asked him what was the matter, he had shrugged her off and insisted he was fine. Yet something still nagged at Susie.**

**Despite her gut feelings, Susie immersed herself in her work, trying to forget the last couple of days and whatever it was that had been bothering Jonesy. She buried her head in bail reports that were well overdue, and tried to clear her mind. **

**PJ had been right, the station and Mt Thomas in general were particularly quiet that day, as they had been while she had been away. All that was on her schedule for the day was a weapons at school talk to the students at Mt Thomas high. Shortly after lunch she hopped in the police four wheel drive with Kelly at her side, and headed in the direction of the high school.**

**It was Friday and the students were rowdy, loud and almost impossible to control. The teacher tried her best to calm the class, but it was the withdrawal of Susie's handgun from her belt that silenced the teenagers at last. They stared in awe as she spoke of the danger of such a weapon and, if she had been in a better mood she would have almost laughed when she noticed the kids had eyes only for the pistol and were not hearing a word she was saying.**

**Near the end of the safety talk, the students began to raise their hands to ask questions. As Susie pointed to one boy she smiled, inviting him to put his query to her and Kelly.**

"**Have you ever shot anyone?" came the most asked question at school safety talks by the police, and also the one most dreaded by Susie. **

**Susie smiled. "Yes I have, but they didn't die as a result. It was simply an injury," an uncomfortable feeling swept over Susie and she had to keep a tight grip on the gun in her hands as her palms sweated.**

**A murmur went through the classroom of children as they discussed their newest topic of conversation. Susie eyed Kelly, begging her to take over. Through the female connection, Kelly understood immediately.**

"**Are there any more questions?" she asked the students.**

**Susie saw a boy with a hat on raise his hand. When Susie looked closer, she noticed the cap had a motorbike embroidered on the front. He was obviously a motorbike crazy young teen. She swallowed hard, trying to keep down the feelings and emotions that were threatening to arise.**

"**Do you get to ride the police motorbikes a lot? Or is it just the cars?" the boy in the cap asked, looking directly at Susie, as she still had her pistol in her hands, therefore attracted every pair of eyes in the room.**

"**No," Susie had to fight to maintain a normal tone to her voice. "I don't have a motorbike license, and neither does anyone else at our station," she couldn't look at the boy and quickly turned away, returning her pistol to her gun belt and gathering the pamphlets that were to be handed out to the students. The bell for the end of the day rang and she walked to the door handing each student a pamphlet as they left the room. **

**As the last student finally left, Susie exhaled in relief. She put her hand to her forehead, trying to get a grip and retain her composure. Kelly approached her then and put her hand on her arm in concern.**

"**Are you ok Suse?" as Susie looked into Kelly's eyes she saw concern present there. **

**Susie forced a smile onto her face. Nodding her head she spoke. "Yes, yes I'm fine, thanks Kel," Susie replied heading out the door. "Grab the stuff will you? I'll meet you out at the car."**

**Susie dumped the police recruitment poster onto her desk and listlessly hung her jacket over the back of her chair, happy to at last be away from the kids and their probing questions. She bent her knees to sit down at her desk and heard two angry voices coming from the direction of the mess room. She instantly recognised them as Ben and Jonesy's.**

**As she approached, the voices got louder, and angrier, and just as she had feared, the two men were facing each other, their noses inches apart and voicing threats.**

"**You bloody stay away from her," Jonesy growled at Ben. "She's upset enough as it is, she doesn't need you hanging off her like a sick puppy."**

**Ben's face instantly reddened in anger. He pushed Jonesy hard up against the wall, holding him by the collar of his shirt. "She's better off with me than you mate," Ben was almost shouting now. "At least I treated her right, and didn't go sleeping around with other women!"**

**Evan's anger bubbled up and over and he wrenched himself free of Ben's hold and swung his fist hard and fast at Ben's face. Susie reached the door as Evan's fist connected with Ben's cheek and she crumbled by the door, devastated. Her hands went to her mouth as she gulped back her sobs and watched as Ben tumbled to the floor and Jonesy fell onto the bench, knocking the kettle of just boiled water. It waterfalled over his hand and much of his wrist and he screamed out in agony.**

**The scream bought the rest of the officers running and they almost tripped over Susie as she still crouched by the door frame, her shoulders hunched over and her face crumbling. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her stomach and PJ put an arm around her, bought her back up to standing and helped her over to a chair in the main office.**

"**They didn't touch you did they?" PJ asked worriedly. "They didn't hit you?"**

**Susie shook her head. "No, no, they didn't touch me. But they hit each other," she sat in the chair PJ had placed her in and began to shake ever so slightly as he held her hand.**

**Joss and Mark led Ben and Jonesy out of the mess room, keeping them well apart as each still had daggers for eyes, despite their injuries. "Where are they taking them? Susie whispered to PJ.**

"**They'll take them to the hospital Suse, don't worry," PJ answered, squeezing her hand. "Jonesy will definitely need that hand looked at, and Ben looks like he will need a few stitches. But don't worry," he reassured her. "They'll be fine."**

**Susie stood tentatively at the door to the wards first room in the long hallway where a nurse was attending to Jonesy's burn. She leant her head against the cool metal of the doorframe and smiled sadly at Jonesy.**

"**When you said I didn't have to face Ben alone, I didn't think you meant you were going to go and do something like this," she said, walking over to the bed where he was sitting. **

**Jonesy couldn't answer her. He knew he had been foolish and let his feelings for Susie run wild. The nurse finished bandaging his hand and wrist and assured him he was all right to go. He hopped off the bed and walked out into the hallway with Susie at his side silently and headed for the door of the hospital.**

**Finally out in the fresh air, they sat down on a wooden garden bench, with carved designs on the arm rests. They sat down so closely that their knees were touching, and Jonesy could sense how Susie was feeling. He hung his head, ashamed at his actions towards Ben.**

**Susie put her hand up to his face and lightly kissed his lips. "Why did you have to fight with him Jonesy?"**

"**I dunno Suse," Jonesy replied. "He was just asking for it, he really was."**

"**I just want us to all be friends, and just talk about it. There was no need for any violence between the two of you." **

"**I just don't want Ben bothering us," Jonesy said, kissing her lips quickly, in an effort to convince her. "I love you so much, and I just want us to be happy."**

**Susie's heart fluttered every time he told her he loved her. She just melted each time he said those three words, as it felt like she was on top of the world. Her relationship with Ben had really been for his benefit only, she was someone for him to love, but while she was with Ben, she didn't have any one to love herself. She didn't connect with Ben. But with Jonesy, the connection was there, it was so strong, and every time he told her he loved her she just wanted to be with him forever.**

"**I am happy with you Jonesy," she smiled that radiant smile that hadn't been present on her face for a while now. "I love you so much, I can't even explain it," they shared a deep and loving kiss, one that was full of life, and sat together on the bench for several minutes, Jonesy with his arms around Susie's small body.**

**The bush telegraph worked quickly that day, and it wasn't too long before Chris found out about the incident between Ben and Jonesy. It was hard not to notice the large white bandage that was wrapped around Jonesy's hand anyway, when Susie walked with him back into the hotel later that day. Mark, showing the leadership in his rank far more than Ben had been recently, had insisted that all three involved take the afternoon off to cool down and recover and assured them that although he would explain the situation to the Boss when he arrived back from a trip to see Nelson and Daniel that night, they would certainly have a lot of explaining to do the next morning.**

**Susie and Jonesy walked up the stairs together slowly and made their way to their room silently. Susie wasn't feeling angry at Jonesy, just worried, frustrated and still very very much in love with him. They lay close together on their double bed, their arms linked, as Jonesy's right hand was unfortunately wrapped up and therefore not able to hold Susie's as it so often did.**

"**Do you want to go downstairs?" Evan asked Susie as they lay there, the late afternoon sun growing dimmer and dimmer outside. He turned his head on the pillow and looked at her.**

**Susie shook her head in return. She smiled lovingly at him and turned her head to face him also, moving her lips closer to his where they connected and they could taste each others sweetness yet again. Susie may have felt suffocated by Ben and his constant want to hold her and touch her, but she couldn't get enough of Jonesy's lips and felt so content when he laced his fingers through hers, or held her in a hug. She smiled again.**

"**I think going to bed early sounds good though," she whispered, the smile still there in her beautiful face. It had become a habit of theirs, and they often stayed up late into the night, just lying next to each other and talking, whispering their hopes and dreams, fears and phobias and their memories to each other. They already knew each other so uncannily well, and so talking for so long each night just enhanced that and made them feel even closer.**

**The two men stood in the Boss's dark office side by side while Tom rubbed his hands together angrily and finally set them on the edge of his desk and leant forward, looking menacingly at Ben and Jonesy. His forehead creased and his cheeks getting little pin pricks of redness to them, he spoke quietly, but with great intention and anger.**

"**What you two did yesterday was unforgivable and totally unacceptable," Tom breathed harshly. "You are police officers of this station, of the entire state of Victoria, and you acted like 15 year old school boys."**

**Jonesy and Ben hung their heads in shame although still very much mad at each other. Both men blamed the other for the fight and would not back down, and Tom could feel the tension in the air yet again that day as they stood silently in front of his desk.**

"**This is not to happen again, do you understand me?" Tom said, staring the two of them in the eye. "I don't care what is going on in your personal lives, and I do not care if it is Raynor you are fighting over. Just remember that this is a police station, a place of law, and I will not put up with my members throwing punches at each other. Is that understood?"**

"**Yes Boss," the two men mumbled, not lifting their lines of vision.**

"**What was that?" Tom demanded. "I don't think I quite heard you. Now stand up straight and act like the police officers you are."**

**Jonesy and Ben immediately straightened their posture and forced out a stronger, louder and clearer answer to the Boss's question.**

**Tom sat down again, a disgusted look upon his face and picked up his pen. Taking this as their cue to leave, Ben and Jonesy headed towards the door ignoring each other, and just as Ben turned the handle, Tom spoke again.**

"**You two are officially on notice," he said as they opened the door. "If this happens again you will pay for it," his voice had recently accumulated a dredging fierce tone, and it was enough to put anyone in their place.**

**As the two men walked back out into the main office and towards their desks, which were conveniently already on opposite sides of the room due to the new layout of the new station, Susie eyed them worriedly, tapping her pen persistently on her wooden desk. She looked over at Jonesy, who was cleverly avoiding Ben's eyes and connecting instantly with Susie's.**

**Reading each others thoughts they both rose from their chairs and headed towards the privacy of the locker room. As they reached the door though, Tom appeared at his office door. **

"**Raynor," he crooked his finger in her direction, beckoning her in with a stern look.**

**Feeling she had no choice, she left Jonesy's side and walked into the Boss's office where he gestured towards the seat opposite his. Despite the rest of the station thinking Tom no longer had a kind bone in his body, he did, and he knew that Susie was in the awkward position here, with Ben and Jonesy putting her in the middle and almost forcing her to choose between the two of them. He urged her to sit down and hoped she didn't fear what he was about to say to her. **

"**I can tell this isn't easy for you Raynor," Tom broached to Susie.**

"**Sorry Boss?" Susie was confused, the Boss showing a tender side? That was something she hadn't seen in a while.**

"**I know what Jones and Stewart are up to," Tom replied. "They're acting like bloody children, not grown men. I don't want it to affect your police work Susie, and if it means that you and Jones and Stewart all have to work separately, then so be it. Or else sort it out in your own time, away from the workplace. I do not like personal lives mingled into police work, it is never a good combination," the Boss's bitter tone was returning ever so slightly as he spoke to Susie.**

**Susie stood, not wanting to hear anymore, as it only increased her worries. "Don't worry Boss, it won't cause anymore problems, you have my word," Susie was determined to put a stop to Jonesy and Bens behaviour, and was determined to keep her word to the Boss. She left the office without a word, and looked at the clock. She was never more grateful to see that it was five minutes past five, and she had been off duty for five minutes already. She walked past Jonesy, who had sat back down at his desk when he and Susie had been interrupted, gave him a fleeting smile and walked into the locker room to gather together her things.**

**Jonesy was not far behind her, and moments later he entered the locker room also and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled as his warm breath fell sweetly and innocently on her neck as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Suse," Evan whispered.**

**Susie turned around, puzzled. "Sorry for what?" she dangled her arms around his waist as he did hers.**

"**Sorry for fighting with Ben," Evan hung his head for the second time that day. "I know this isn't the way you wanted it to be."**

"**Evan," Susie began. "All I want is to be with you – that's the way I want it to be," they shared a deep kiss, the smiles extending on their faces as they stared into each others eyes.**

**Later that night as all the Heelers were winding down in the public bar, Susie approached Ben, after reassuring Jonesy she was just going to have a chat with him. Ben was seated in a corner of the pub, listlessly swirling his orange juice around in his glass and staring blankly ahead of him. When Susie sat down opposite him and propped her elbows up on the table, his head snapped to attention, as if out of a trance and he jumped.**

"**Hey Ben," Susie said quietly.**

"**Hey," he replied sullenly, taking a sip of his drink and not meeting Susie's eyes.**

"**I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday," Susie began hesitantly. "I don't want it to happen again, I just want us all to be friends, not enemies."**

"**Well that's going to be a bit hard for me for a while Suse," Ben mumbled. Susie studied Bens face closely as she was puzzled by his response. He was distant and preoccupied. Where was the Ben that she knew?**

"**Why?" Susie asked.**

"**Because I have to get used to you and _him_ being together ok?" Ben got up in a huff, leaving Susie shocked sitting in her chair at the tone Ben's voice had taken on. Jonesy watched from the bar stool he had plonked himself down on, and when he saw Ben storm out he hopped up off the stool and approached Susie.**

"**Something is up with Ben Jonesy," Susie said quietly, looking around to make sure no one had heard her.**

"**Something's always wrong with Ben Susie," Jonesy replied, slightly exasperated. He leaned back into his chair and looked at her.**

"**Nah, it's something else," Susie mused. "Something other than us being together."**

"**Like what?" he asked, curious now.**

"**I don't know, I don't know," Susie replied. "But I think we will find out sooner rather than later," a worried look swept over her face. Evan took her now empty glass from her and set it on the bar, and then he grabbed Susie's hand and took her upstairs.**

**Not too much later they climbed into bed together and lay close in the darkness. Jonesy had his arm around Susie and so noticed when her body began to tremble. He looked at her and immediately noticed the tears on her face. Susie's eyes met his and she spoke softly.**

"**This isn't how I meant it to be Jonesy," she sobbed quietly. He hugged her to him and covered her body with the thick quilt of the bed. "I just want to be happy; I want to be happy with my life. But nothing is going right. The only thing that is right is you, and even that is creating problems," Susie shifted in his arms and burrowed deeper into the warmth of the bed, her feet kicking Jonesy's softly at the end of the bed.**

"**Ben is my sergeant, and he's a great friend, but I wish we had never gone any further than that. When I finally had you I was so happy," Evan stroked her porcelain like cheek, wiping away a stray tear as he went. "And I'm still happy that I have you, nothing makes me happier, honestly Jonesy," she looked desperately up and into his eyes.**

"**I know Suse," he replied softly.**

"**And then Lachlan, and seeing all my family so sad, it hurt so much," Susie cried into Jonesy's arms. "And then coming back here and everything going so wrong with Ben, it just made everything seem all the worse. Mt Thomas has always been a bit of a sanctuary for me you know?" Jonesy nodded, understanding. "Somewhere where I could come back to and everything would be all right, I'd be happy, and I could escape from things that weren't working out."**

"**This place is a bit like that isn't it?" Jonesy whispered, still holding Susie close.**

"**Yeah," she answered. "But right now it feels like it's lost some of that feeling. I don't feel like this is a place where everything is ok anymore. I just wish we could hide away until everything is normal again," Susie cried, cried like she never had before.**

"**I know Suse," Jonesy soothed. "I know how you feel. I wish everything could just be normal and nice again, but while it's not, we're at least always going to have each other - I don't want you to ever think that you're going to be alone."**

"**I love you so much," Susie whispered in return, reaching up and touching his face. She ran her fingers lightly over the outline of his lips and then placed her own lips upon them.**

**Susie and Jonesy arrived on time, if not early, at work the next morning, Susie hoping against hope that the brilliant weather of the morning was a prediction of her day. She was tired of things being hard, of things not working out, and the trouble between Ben, Jonesy and herself. She just wanted a normal day of busting criminals and writing speeding tickets.**

**But it was not meant to be. The office was deserted when she and Jonesy entered, and the only sign of human life was the Boss, sitting like a statue in his lifeless, barren office, its dirty windows and the harsh square edges of his desk and bookcases making it an unpleasant and unwelcoming sight. **

**But the statue came to life when Jonesy and Susie walked through the maze of desks to the locker room to put away their possessions. Tom pushed himself up from his chair and with his thumb and fore finger he slipped his reading glasses off his face. He approached the doorway to his small office and spoke loud enough for Susie and Jonesy to hear from the locker room.**

"**Raynor," his voice travelled easily in the silence of the station, and Susie quickly closed her locker door and made her way back out into the main hub of the station, an area that was usually buzzing with activity and voices, but not so on a Sunday morning like this one.**

"**A word?" Tom's face looked stern as he beckoned her into his office. She followed cautiously, almost afraid of what he had to say, even though she had no idea just what that might be.**

"**A surprise position became vacant last night at St Kilda Road," he began, looking intently at Susie. She sat across from him, puzzled.**

"**I don't follow," she said slowly.**

"**It was a sergeants position. Ben asked me a couple of days ago for a transfer, and asked me to tell him immediately if any came up. He didn't seem to care where the posting was. He just seemed very intent on getting out of Mt Thomas. Do you have any idea why?"**

**Susie's brain didn't catch the question. She was stuck on the sergeants position at St Kilda Road. "You mean Ben took the position? He's gone?"**

"**Left early this morning," Tom replied. "I can't say I was happy about this, although he had given me plenty of notice. It still leaves me a member short however."**

"**Hmmm," Susie mused, her thoughts elsewhere.**

"**Do you have any idea why he wanted to leave so suddenly?" Tom asked again.**

"**Probably because of me," she replied.**

"**You?"**

"**Yes."**

**Tom at last caught on to Susie's train of thought. "Oh... this wouldn't be because of that punch up between he and Jones the other day would it?"**

"**I think so Boss," Susie answered. "I'm sorry."**

"**Don't apologise Raynor, there's nothing you can do, it was Ben's decision at the end of the day," he sighed and Susie nodded. "He dropped by before he left though, and said to give this to you," he surrendered a white envelope to her. She took it, got up from the chair without a sound, and exited the room.**

**Susie wandered in a daze back towards the locker room where Jonesy was waiting for her, sitting on a table by the window and swinging his legs back and forth. When she entered the room, a glazed look on her face he jumped up from where he was sitting and approached her worriedly. **

"**What did the Boss want Suse?" he asked, reaching out to touch her arm.**

"**Ben's left," she whispered, looking down at the envelope that was still in her hands.**

"**He's what?" Jonesy asked. "He's left?" he led her over to the table and sat next to her. "Why?"**

"**Position at St Kilda Road the Boss said," Susie answered. "Left this morning," she could still only manage a whisper, and Jonesy had to lean in close to her to hear what she was saying, and in the process would occasionally brush her fair hair from her eyes.**

"**He left me this," she whispered, at last looking up. She stared at Jonesy. "I'm scared of what it will say."**

"**You have to open it Suse," Jonesy prompted gently. "You'll have unanswered questions for the rest of your days if you don't."**

**Susie knew he was right. She turned the envelope over in her hands and began to tear slowly at the sealed flap of the envelope. Inside she found a simple piece of lined notebook paper, folded in half. With now steady hands she opened it up and read the few words that were written there.**

"'**Susie,**

**I have to get out; I can't keep living here knowing I can't have you. I'd be an unhappy man. All I want is for you to be happy, and if that means you need to be with Evan, then so be it. I couldn't hurt you simply for my gain. I'm sorry about Lachlan too; I wish I could have said more at the time.**

**Ben'"**

**Susie took a deep breath as she handed the note to Jonesy to read. He glanced his eyes over it, and then looked at Susie. He hugged her there in the locker room, not a sound around them, and the bright late morning sun filtering through the blinds. A smile crept onto Susie's face as Jonesy held her tight. Maybe now they could be happy. Things could maybe be normal again now. She had lost her brother and now a colleague, but perhaps, she reasoned, it was the struggles in life that made a person stronger.**


End file.
